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Hello there!




When I'm sad, i write. When I'm happy, i write too! well only sometimes!
When I'm mad, I write again.
When I'm [name it], yes, I write everything:)
I love typing e. hehe.



Enjoy :] though ngayon palang magbibigay na ako ng warning. Halos kadramahan ung nandito because pag masaya ako, or inspired, hindi ako nakakapagsulat masyado, baliktad haha. So mas madaming drama kesa happy moments.

I'm not a good writer nga pala, usually what I write in here dere-deretso ko lang tinatype and I dont proofread it. At last na, bitin yung ibang kwento, lalo na pag inatake ako ng katamaran.


P.S.

thank you sa pagdaan dito sa blog ko

love,

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

morning drama

It's now 5:05 in the morning and I still can't fucking sleeeeep. haha. If only Stilnox can be bought anytime and without prescription, I would've gone to the nearest drug store already..... and now that I've mentioned it, I'm going to write something about it.

Stilnox is, well, a sleeping pill. It's not like Sleepasil which is an over-the-counter sleeping aid. It's uhmm ung talagang sleeping pill as in KO ka agad after 10 minutes pagkainom. And it's kind of addictive that's why it's one of those prescription drugs.

I think I made it clear naman in my old post na Paul and I found it very difficult sleeping together. So yun, yung friend ko may reseta siya so I had to make kulit na ibili niya ako.

So one night, Paul came home to my apartment after.. hmm I can't remember it anymore. Anyway, after we ate, watched, and made our usual kulitans, I told him na I have the sleeping pills na. We were hesitant about it at first, syempre nakakatakot noh, but he ended up drinking one. Ako, hindi. Kasi tinry palang namin.

So ako, dahil siguro 4am na yun at pagod na din ako, I fell asleep. But I was awakened kasi Paul was shaking me. Telling me na "lumilindol". I panicked agad kasi the day before nun lumindol talaga. Hangang sa sinabi niya na gumagalaw daw yung kama. Nagtaka na ako. So I stood up, and pinakiramdaman yung floor. Wala naman earthquake. Then it hit me. HIGH si Paul. I was like omg talaga.

Or hindi naman talaga high, parang lang, kasi one of the side effects of Stilnox is ung hallucinations. Naghahallucinate siya and all. Then hinawakan ko yung kamay niya, super grabeng lamig pati yung feet niya. Edi talagang sobrang panic na ako, na syet baka mapano siya.

I even counted my money and his on my mind. Meron akong 2k sa atm, 1.5k cash, he had 2k cash that time so naisip ko If ever, I could bring him to the hospital.

He was telling me na gumagalaw talaga yung bed, nalalaglag siya sa bed, umiikot paningin etc. So syempre I tried to calm him down. and as I was doing it, nakapatay pala ilaw neto ha, he suddenly stared at me. then kinurot kurot niya yung face ko. "Ikaw ba si Isa?" or "Isa ikaw ba yan?" sinagot ko naman siya na oo ako yun pero he didn't believe me kaya yung cellphone ko inilawan ko then tinutok ko sa muka ko. then nung nakita niya ako and napatunayan sa sarili niya na ako yun, he kissed me. It was a sweet and very soft kiss lang. then he said "akala ko hindi ikaw si Isa, kala ko nagpapanggap ka lang" then he even told me that he loves me.


Nung gabing yun, or madaling araw na yun, I proved na mahal talaga niya ako and ilang pang mga bagay.

Kaya lang, it's sad because there's always this kaya lang, kaso what to do e kadugtung talaga ng happy, sad. like yin yang.

Kaya lang dumating yung araw when he broke my heart, when he gave up on me and when he left me. I didn't  deserve what he did. Sinira niya ako nung araw na yun. Yung bang nafeel ko wala siyang tinira sakin. and talagang I did everything para lang mabuo ulit ako.


I would never forget crying the night before my first day on my OJT. Nagbreak kami 2 days before un. I cried so hard because we were magkatext when I got accepted para dun sa OJT. Naisip ko kasi na siya dapat yung sasabihan ko about my 1st day, if nakakainis ba or nakakatuwa yung supervisors ko or kung ano man. kaso yun.... I would never forget also na I had to go to the CR pa kasi naiiyak talaga ako nung 1st day ko.

I have so much to tell pa sana kaso tinamaan na ako ng antok haha sooo tatapusin ko na to.

and yes indeed, this is the hardest breakup I've ever encountered. and sa totoo lang, ngayong ok na ako lang ako nagkaron ng courage to really talk about sa pagbreak namin. I got attached to him kasi so much kaya siguro ganun.

But things are so much better now. I am happy again thanks to a lot of people, things and I know that God is good. He has something great planned for me. I have learned my lessons, and maybe one day I'll learn to forget